Don't Move: A Movie Where The Victim And The Plot Both Get Paralyzed
"Don't Move" Movie Poster I've spent a significant portion of my life in a state of professional "not moving." As a connoisseur of the couch, a master of the duvet, and a card-carrying member of the Order of the Permanently-Reclined, the title Don't Move spoke to me on a spiritual, almost molecular level. I thought, "Finally, a film that understands my core philosophy. This is my anthem. This is my 'Scream' for the lethargic generation." Little did I know, the film was less about the beauty of sedentary living and more about a cruel, cynical joke played by a sadistic universe on a woman who, frankly, was doing a great job of not moving on her own. The plot, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching this 90-minute cinematic masterpiece, is a simple, high-concept affair that someone probably pitched as "What if Saw , but the trap is a slow-acting muscle relaxant, and the budget is just... a forest?" Our h...