Stallone's failed plot "Armor" gets shot by the audiences and critics alike

It was a weekend afternoon when I decided to make one of the worst decisions of my life. I mean, can you blame me ? It was the holidays after all and we were less than a week away from New Year and Christmas, was probably a day away; that I decided to watch one of my favorite childhood actor Sylvester Stallone's recent action flick - Armor.

Judging by the name it was pretty evident what I was getting into , a vintage old school style action film that was destined to be an entertaining watch while I curled up under my blanket eating my treasured potato fritters. But little did I know what I had signed myself up for.

Now I will be brutally honest, Sly's genre of films are definitely not known for its gripping storylines and compelling narratives. I mean no disrespect but except for First Blood, the Rocky Series and the recent Creed franchise none of his other films have had that depth or story that would keep you immersed in the plot . However Stallone had that commanding presence that would cover all the deficiencies in the script. His aura would even make a below average story come to life but here was a film that was so dreadful that even our beloved Rocky couldn't salvage it.

Looking at the poster you would think that this is yet another action packed film where Sly is locked in another tussle with the bad guys. But (spoiler alert) here Sly is the bad guy. Apparently Sly's character "Rook" is leading a group of mercenaries to rob an armored truck carrying gold bars priced at millions. He along with his mixed bag of henchman are engaged in a tussle with our protagonists in the form of James Brody (Jason Patric) and Casey Brody (Josh Wiggins) who play the father-son duo respectively. 

The duo are part of a security team that transports money to and fro from the bank on a day to day basis. However this time around they have been set-up with a different package all together i.e.- a bag laden with gold bars worth millions of dollars. And guess who is here to retrieve the unlisted package ? Our very own Sly Stallone. Sly with his team of so called "experts"  corner the Brody's on a bridge in hopes of retrieving the gold. 

Dash Mihok (Left), Sylvester Stallone (Rook) Centre, Joshua Davies Whites (Echo) Right,

They flank the vehicle from both sides and open fire on the truck in broad daylight. Now I understand that the bridge is a little out of town from the main city but still its a bridge that is in use. The town might not be swarming with people but of course there will be at least someone who would hear the loud gunfight and alert the authorities. 

I mean our American cops get spooked even if someone farts a little too loud in their car while parked in a public place and asks for an ID and here they have these hoodlums going all out and loud and nobody can hear it. Anyway bullets are exchanged and our protagonists are overwhelmed in the gunfire. 

Their truck goes topsy-turvy in the ensuing battle while the younger Brody takes a bullet to the body and with nowhere else to go they take refuge in the back of the truck with the money and gold bars. Now this is where the main plot kicks in with - A Freaking Standoff between the two parties.

Sly comes in with his same measured gait and ballistic jacket talking business in his usual slur. He talks big game like why this whole situation is like a chess match and he is the "Rook" and how he can spare their (James and Casey)'s life if he gives them what they are looking for. All this is going on and there's not a single car or person in sight. No police patrol cars no nothing. I mean you have a good chance of seeing more people in Monowi and Buford on the streets than you see here.

At this point it is quite clear that Stallone is there to lead the show and every one present has made room for him. The henchmen in question all have different personalities with cliched traits , there is a tech guy who is smart and sensible called- Echo, then there's the expert gun-slinger Viper, the demolition man- Tex and last but not the least, the unpredictable lunatic -Smoke. I mean I don't know what Smoke's backstory is but he is always pissed with everything.

However Smoke's expressions suggests otherwise, his big bulging eyes and constant frown and incomprehensible body language makes him look like a disoriented meth addict. You already know by now that this guy would be a problem later on. Either way these two groups find themselves in a stalemate situation where no one is willing to budge an inch. 

Stallone's Stallions (I just made that up) have lost two guys in the process (Viper and Tex) and the Brody's got one man down injured (Casey). At this point "Rook" decides its enough, they aren't going to win in this scenario so he is ready to call it a day and suggests "Let's Just Bail Out". Echo seconds that opinion as a rational man but one man doesn't , you know who - Smoke.

"I need the money for meth pal"

Smoke is quite clear that he wants his money and he won't budge if he doesn't get it. He gives his irritated stare and flexes his bulging meth addicted eyes trying to intimidate the others. The man is ready to kill for the bounty and won't let anybody stand in his way. But hell our boy Sly don't swing like that. The man might play a bad guy but he got morals and principles you'll. As long as he is there he won't allow the killing of  two innocent security guards right under his nose cause it "wasn't part of the plan". He incoherently orders him (Smoke) in his typical droopy Sly Stallone panache to fall in line or face consequences.

By this time you already know that Smoke isn't one to follow orders. He is a real "badass" so he promptly shoots Echo point blank in the head. And then is about to kill Rook too but Rook takes cover. They both engage in a gunfight and Smoke manages to shoot Rook "fatally". 

Now grunting and huffing Smoke proceeds to kill the Casey's for getting in the way of his dreams. And boy is he mad. Smoke is ready to "bring all the smoke" to this one and he gets it on with Senior Casey as little Casey Jr is already down injured. It's an all out fist fight going on but Casey Senior gets the better of it as he takes Smoke down and starts pummeling him with blows. But the latter manages to find a gun in the scuffle and is just about to pull the trigger on James and Casey Brody. James closes his eyes preparing himself for the inevitable. And then BANG!

"I ain't dead muthafucka"

The sound of loud gunfire, James looks up and sees Smoke has been smoked. Smoke collapses on the ground and James looks up on the bridge to see Rook looking down on them. Yeah as if no one saw this coming. The main man doesn't just die who doesn't know that.

Either way what followed was equally surprising. Rook and the Casey's come to a understanding where Sly asks them to not mention his whereabouts or about him in case they come in contact with the authorities." I was never here", says Stallone which they acknowledge, I don't know why they would agree with someone who was part of a gang that just tried to rob you and was ready to jeopardize your life but I guess when that person saves your ass everything else becomes irrelevant.

"I just saved both of your asses, so let me just walk off"

Stallone then proceeds to hop on in a car with his accomplice who turns out to be the bank employee who was entrusted to transfer the bank funds to them. Haha big surprise as if that wasn't obvious. The credits finally starts to roll and finally we are done. End of a big freaking disaster of a film.

I mean I am all for Indie flicks and low budget stuff but it would have really helped if this film even had one percent of story and character development. You took in Sly Stallone and you did nothing with him so why even take the route ? Well I guess we will never know. However I am hoping against hope that Sly doesn't do anymore of these kind of films. He should stick with shows like the "Tulsa King" and "The Family Stallone" and let these ones slide to safeguard his legacy.